Jewish families are known for being tight-knit and strong. It’s not just your parents that take care of the young but the aunts, uncles and all the relatives—even the extended circle of lifelong friends. And what do all the elders say about Jewish dating? What do the Rabbis tell you about getting married?
They say ‘Don’t’!
No, seriously, they emphasize the importance of finding someone you really love and can tolerate for the long-term. It’s easy to fall in love and that’s the first thing they’ll tell you. You can fall in love with anyone, even the kind of person that you’re not really compatible with.
Believe it or not, it’s true. How many times have you heard of marriages falling apart, after a good seven years or so? It’s because the infatuation, the feeling of being in “love” wears off. You fall in love easily, but once you live together that’s when things start crumbling down slowly but surely.
If you marry someone vain, selfish or inconsiderate you can only imagine how miserable you’re going to be in your daily routine. If you marry someone sexy and exciting, but who’s a cold fish when it comes to nurturing and being supportive, you’re going to feel so alone.
It’s important to understand that there are multiple dimensions of love and attraction. You can be attracted to someone physically and intellectually and still miss that important “something” that makes your marriage happy.
What is That Missing Something?
What is it? How can you be sexually compatible with someone, intellectually in-sync but not be happy? Is that even possible?
It’s very possible because the ideal we chase after, and what we actually take home and live at least 10-12 hours a day, are oftentimes very different. We feel attraction to the person that is edgy and a little dangerous. But these people can be a handful to deal with, especially in family life.
As you grow older, you’re going to yearn for a peaceful home, not one full of drama and backbiting. A jealous mate, a nagging mate, an abusive mate (physically or verbally), someone who’s unkind to your family—these are negative qualities that are going to wear you down and stress you out. It doesn’t really matter if your sex life is booming if you can’t enjoy a meal without an argument.
What does it matter if you have money or nice things, if he/she doesn’t like your family and doesn’t come around for special occasions?
The truth is you want someone you can live with—not someone you’ve “always wanted.” Because what you’ve always wanted is sometimes a dream. And even when you achieve that dream, you’re not always thrilled with the end result. As you mature, you realize that the family you grew up with is really what you want to recreate. You want a nice quiet and supportive household.
That’s why you want to carefully scan and filter when you look for eligible singles in your area. Use a professional Jewish dating site to find Jewish singles that can appreciate where you come from and what you’re actually looking for. Listening to the wisdom of others, the older ones who care about you, is the best way to make your marriage strong and secure.